Mental Breakdown

안녕! hehe long time no post. Been so busy lately, yang kayak tidur 6 jam pas malem tuh udah super bersyukur bgt. Walaupun hidup gue gini2 aja gaada gairah huhu shoo sad, kalo ga exo ya tidur makan nonton VAMPIRE DIARIES YEAHH i know i'm super late butttttttt still hehe :) Team Stefan ftw!!! Bingung deh sama yang team Damon whyyyy? dia super agresif dan posesif no like lahh udah gitu super bad boy trus kasar ewh i like good boy better ehehe Stefan is so charming and kind trus dia juga lembut super romantis sama Elena gahhh need my own Stefan ahaha<3

Kemaren juga baru nonton Pride And Prejudice! If you haven't seen this movie, mending buru2 ke disc45 deh beli or go watch online because IT IS SO GOOD! Kalo lo suka film2 unyu2 nan romantis yang bikin ber-aw aw ria, this is the purrrfect movie for you :D I LOVE MR DARCY! Maybe kalo yang udah pernah baca Fifty Shades of Grey mayb lo bakal bandingin Mr. Darcy sama Christian Grey karna emang mirip bgt lol, sama2 rich, tall person, handsome feautures, SO SEXY AND SO POSSESSIVE HAHA. Tapi Mr. Darcy versi lebih lembut ga kasar kayak Christian Grey (even Christian Grey bisa jadi super lembut dan super romantis sama Anna tapi kan baru lembut kalo udah.......;D) versi lebih sopan lagi deh ahaha must watch or kl emang gasuka nonton mending baca novelnya juga ada even ini film/buku udah long time ago. Tapi tetep cinta Christian Grey kok gasabar 15 Februari tahun depan filmnya keluar! I wonder yang rated m version bakal masuk Indonesia juga atau nggak.......

So, bukan ga sengaja sih lagi bosen2 trus kepikiran buat posting di blog, emang udah rencana, karena emang udah gatau lagi mau lampiasin all that anger yang daritadi gue pendem sendiri, setelah curhat ke Ratu and le mom. Kejadian super aneh dan epic dalam sejarah per-sekolahan gue selama 16 tahun, ga pernah yang namanya nangis di sekolah. Dan itu yang terjadi 10 jam yang lalu, di sekolah, gue nangis, bener2 gabisa nahan, mental breakdown. Bener2 ngerasa tadi di-judge sedemikian rupa padahal mereka gatau apa yang gue rasain, main nyudutin, without asking my explanation and my reason. Tapi emang kalo gue ditanya juga gabakal mau jawab juga...karna gue bukan tipikal orang yang suka beberin masalah gue ke semua orang, yang bahkan gue gadeket, dan bahkan tadi di depan guru gue sendiri, anak sd banget kali yg curhat ke guru sooo lame. Pengen nangis bgt waktu digituin but i hold my tears, harga diri duh. Abis selesai digituin, salam guru, balik badan dan masih bisa nahan nangis even udah blur bgt mata dan kayak orang kebelet lari ke kelas, bilang Ratu gue mau nangis dan dia bawa gue ke meja belakang pojok, dan nangis sejadi-jadinya. Bener2 mental breakdown, udah puncak dari segala kefrustasian gue gara-gara dia, yang dikira sahabat yang dipikir teman, namun musuh. Dan itu kejadian SEBELUM ULANGAN BIOLOGI SISTEM REGULASI YA!!! GUE UDAH BELAJAR SEMALEM JAM 9 SAMPE JAM 3 PAGI TRUS ILMU GUE NGUAP SEMUA DALAM 15 MENIT NANGIS GILAAAA! 

Super galau seharian super ngantuk super sedih super depresi super bengkak mata super duper gak bergairah.

Then, i talked to my mom. Dia bilang, move on and let go. Forgive but not forget. No revenge. Gaboleh dendam dendam karna cuma bikin kebusukan di hati dan yang ada gabakal hidup tentram di deket dia. Gue bilang, I’m gonna try to, but i’m not sure tho. Pernah ga sih disakitin hatinya sama orang sampe bener2 ngelekat di hati? It’s not going to be easy kan forgiving people. Sama aja kayak waktu lo kecil, jatoh dari sepeda, apa lukanya bakal ilang dalam beberapa hari? It take weeks! Even months kalo bener2 parah. But I'm trying to forgive you.

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat. Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established. Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation. Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity

lol sedih bgt hidup gue merana banyak cobaan hidup huhu..... untung album Overdose udah keluar;D